the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
