its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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