Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
