butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
