I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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