as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your dad touched me again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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