How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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