escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
