apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
