Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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