i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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