I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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