I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
