did you get engaged???
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
