Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
