i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
