just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
