So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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