I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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