what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
