she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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