you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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