Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
