at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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