The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
