$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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