I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
