Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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