I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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