so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
