Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
