One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
