Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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