you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
