My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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