That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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