remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
