I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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