I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize