Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
