i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
