as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
