I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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