It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
