u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
