Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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