im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
