"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
