even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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