How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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