Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The air was thick with penises
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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