She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I need moral support for this bender
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
