if you like me you must not know who I am
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
