STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
