fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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