I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
last night I used snow as a chaser
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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