It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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