woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize