all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
