dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
