If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
