Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I believe in your delicious
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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