That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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