My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
