just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
