I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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