There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
