I didn't shave. On purpose
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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