$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
