If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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