I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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