Already got asked if we're dating
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize