If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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