ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
