i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
