I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
