just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
