I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
