Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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