: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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