Moan for me like Helen Keller
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
