Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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