So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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