both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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