she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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