i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
