we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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