He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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