Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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